5 AM

The alarm clock is screaming at me. It’s a scream from a machine into a world where the sun is still sleeping. A scream that used to be the gentle nudge from my mother when it was time for school. It’s time for something very different. It’s time for paycheck to paycheck to paycheck to paycheck. They build your mind, and then tear it down. Sixty hours a week until my bones grow weak. My body is sore. My stomach is empty. I understand that I know nothing of real struggle. I know that I am privileged. But, maybe the only way to appreciate, is to experience famine. Or war. Or poverty. Maybe we weren’t supposed to live a life so comfortable that people live past death. Or create fabricated problems that can only be solved with fabricated medications. Maybe the only way to live is to know how to suffer. More money has been payed to mold my mind than my mind is payed. Am I inadequate? Will I ever feel adequate? Does anyone? Is there a change in sight? “Work hard so that life will be easy,” is what they say. When will a break come? Or will I break first? Day by day is the key to breathing now and days. Minute by minute. Nose to the ground. My trip is on its way. It’s 5 AM. And I really just don’t want to clock in again.

~JAH~